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weak knees.

December 5, 2011

As a Christ follower, often we find ourselves living in these ebbs and flows of our faith.  Seasons of focus only on the reality and truth of Him.  Other seasons focused only on the pleasure or pain of ourselves.

Lately I’ve thought much of myself.  Much of my failures.  Much of my wasted time.  Much of my negative heart.  Much of worthlessness.  It’s such a dangerous thing to be thinking much of.  I can excuse it away and claim to be introspectively doing inventory on sin in preparation for a season of repair.  But in truth I will tell you that IT is sin.  It’s a series of lies I actively choose to listen to, dwell on and ultimately believe.

It creates thick barriers between my heart and His.  It puts a layer of dust on my bible and creates weak knees, incapable to support healthy prayer.  It’s a constant reminder to the soul that I am unloved, unlovable and unloving.  It paints a picture of a future I not only fear, but believe to be unavoidable.

Truthfully, I’ve spoken so much lately concerning my excitement for the upcoming Christmas season, in large part because of the intentional focus on the person of Christ.  Finally, I’ll be encouraged and expected and assisted in ending this season of selfish destruction.

I’ve had countless people over the last 30 days approach me to say the sometimes easily forgotten words, “I’ll be praying for you”.  I hope sincerely that they weren’t forgotten.  They were needed.  They continue to be needed.

And if I had my way, this is how you would be doing it….

“I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come.”

Ephesians 1:16-21 ESV

Please don’t pray for my situation.  Or my finances.  Or my dumb tired car.  Pray that I get hit in the face with the truth and wholeness of His glory.  I want to understand the cross so clearly that it keeps me up at night.  So much so, that when I think upon my worthlessness, it doesn’t build a dark cloud around my soul.  But it reminds me just how beautiful I am, surrounded in grace, bathed in mercy and headed towards glory.

And please, if you are in a place like this, in need of prayer, allow me to join you.  All you have to do is ask.

With all the love and honesty in my heart,
Your Sassy Bella


2 Comments leave one →
  1. jamie permalink
    December 5, 2011 12:35 am

  2. December 18, 2011 9:36 pm

    Oh my, get out of my head, woman. I *know* exactly what you are writing about here, but I never could have expressed it this clearly.

    I will be praying with you and for you. And for me, too.

    Hope you have a blessed Christmas and that you get smacked in the face with His glory very soon.

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