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dear you,

August 14, 2011

July and August were strange birds.  I took a break (as if it went noticed) from talking online about me and explored new routes of expression with actual people.  I worked on being a real live friend with real live women.  After my last post I figured that I owed myself at least that.  In the end it served me well.

In July I was hit blindside with a nasty confrontation at work.  One that I hope I in some ways carry with me always.  It showed me some truths about tone and communication and the insecurities of others.  Even grown, should be way past this, professional, adults.  I chewed on it for several days.  Even used some vacation time to be sure and do it the right way. I needed some prayer and quiet time before I responded.  I apologized for a lot of things that I never said, did or intended.  Made some points and reiterated a lot of love and appreciation.  For now that squabble is squashed.  And I pray every day that this was the first step of me finally maturing into a better woman/person.  I want to take thoughtful time before I say hello to the first person I see every morning.  I want to “wait”.  I have plenty experience in the opposition to that and it has served me naught.

And in August, so far, I have simply rested some.  We have incredibly busy weeks (years) ahead and I needed to prepare.  But I am back.  I plan to be back for awhile actually.  The tone may be changed in some ways.  But I never stop writing here in my head.  I have a couple dozen people who check this page every day, and not even for them, but more for me, I can’t imagine a time when I don’t log in and use this space to say one thing or the other.

Today that thing is only this…fresh, warm, breezy, air heals me from my inside, out.

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