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he and i.

May 16, 2011

I have a long history of saying things to make people uncomfortable.  Which I sometimes confuse with being funny.  And after many years of making this mistake, I can definitively now tell you, the two should not be confused.  They are NOT in fact, the same.

Recently, in the past few years, I have found myself surprised at one thing I say to women that makes them very uncomfortable.  I mean like, conversation ending uncomfortable. And that’s quite an accomplishment considering how candid women can be with each other.  We share things about our biology and marriages and mental instability that would make the strongest man sob in his urinal cake.

However, whenever I explain the extent to which my husband and I have almost nothing in common, other women get crazy uncomfortable.  Why?  Is it that uncomfortable to know that Chris and I have different taste in pretty much everything?  That we see the world through TOTALLY different eyes?  That we react, show love, eat, articulate and breathe differently?  I’m not kidding.  If God could have created one person any more different than me in this world, I would be incredibly surprised.

I’ve brought it up a few times to many different people over the years.  No one ever has anything constructive to say.  Ever.  I’m not being disparaging to him.  I’m not saying…Chris is unbearable.  I may think it.  I may write it.  But I’d never say it.  I wouldn’t have married him if I didn’t know that I loved him.  That no matter what, we would find a middle ground in life that we could build a healthy foundation upon.

This week, in fact, we have seen the fruit of that middle ground over and over.  As we have looked for a home during this season of transition, we have seen the ugly face of my anxiety, the stillness of his apathy and together, the sparks of our tension.  And, today as we filled out an application for our first real potential future home, we quietly sat down and hoped for the best together.  He began to fill up and overflow with hope.  I holed up and repeated “how will we pay for this?  how will this work?  why would they choose us?  DON’T GET YOUR HOPES UP!”.

We are so different he and I.

It’s why he takes my hand and prays at night that we would both find peace where we are.  That God would be our vision and trust.  And that tonight we would be unified in our marriage and our mission.

Does that make you uncomfortable?  Cause I’m fine with it.

9 Comments leave one →
  1. Patti permalink
    May 16, 2011 11:39 pm

    I think you are perfect for each other, differences and all! Praying that God will put you in the perfect home!

  2. jamie permalink
    May 17, 2011 1:11 am

    When I think of all of the times I’ve stopped and looked through Mike’s perspective of things…I would have missed out on so much if we were more alike! Allowing each other to be who you are and not expecting you to be anyone else – appreciating the differences – that’s a lesson a lot of couples learn the hard way. To have someone love you for ALL that you are, and to have that someone be the one that prays with you and for you and over you…that is an amazing gift. I’d call us some blessed girls 🙂

    And we know all too well here how a home can become a place of ministry. Praying that God will open the doors for you to be where He needs you to be. Love and miss you tons!

    • May 17, 2011 9:33 pm

      girl you have no idea how much i miss you. like so much there aren’t words. at least none that i can think of right now. or probably annunciate.

  3. May 17, 2011 7:30 am

    Does this mean i don’t like Chris? Because I love you for everything single thing you are/do/stand for…and if he’s the polar opposite…well, makes me question my previous high opinions of him. I guess he’s alright with me if he’s alright with you… 🙂

    I know you might relay this to him and he’ll be all, “who is this girl you speak of…” but just tell him not to worry about the deets, just to know I like him… 😉

    • May 17, 2011 9:34 pm

      he does say that every time i say your name in any context. and it’s not like it’s not often. so like once a week chris says “jen who??”. right.

  4. May 17, 2011 8:35 am

    “…sob in his urinal cake?”


  5. Nicole Sneed permalink
    May 17, 2011 11:20 am

    I think it’s wonderful the two of you can be so different and be together. Haven’t people heard of ying and yang? Or opposites attract? I think it can work as long as you balance each other out, which it sounds like you two can do. Jimmy and I have VERY different tastes on things, however, we have similar temperaments…which usually results in fireworks. And not the good kind. 😉 It’s much better if one of you is high-strung and the other laid back. If one of you is cynical and the other optimistic. It’s all about balance. You can’t both be stubborn, or anxious, or temperamental, because it won’t run smoothly. But I do believe love can work through any of those problems if you let it. And, boy, do I love my guy. lol

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