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this point stands true even today.

May 14, 2011

I didn’t write yesterday.  For many reasons.

1.  I finally got a membership to and I was then forced to participate in hours upon hours of internet browsing/pinning/dying from material jealousy.  I wouldn’t say it’s the healthiest thing I have done in a long time.  But it was definitely one of the funnest.  We’ve been so broke for so long that I haven’t been able to do one of my most favorite things in life.  Make my home homier.  To add little new touches here and there from time to time.  I’m constantly tempted by resale and thrift stores to find a small unique piece to give our home a new little twinge of “us”.  But money speaks.  And to us it keeps saying “HAHAHAHAHAHHA!”

2.  I twittered yesterday that my anxiety has been hyper alert lately.  And that’s no joke.  Especially yesterday and today.  And every person who reads this who has never experienced anxiety, just simultaneously rolled their eyes and thought something negative about the weakness of hiding behind anxiety.  That’s fine. If I had time to focus on anything besides the 128 things my brain has decided to meditate and harp upon until the point of physical exhaustion, I would probably care.  But I don’t have mental time for that.  My brain is very busy.

The good part is, is that I know what causes it.  About how long it will last.  That it isn’t permanent.  And in most cases, I even know how to avoid it.  The sad part is, the easiest way for me to combat it is to remain busy.  Like really busy.  And it’s best if it’s with something creative.  If I can utilize the creative portion of my brain, the part of my brain that tries to melt thoughts can’t be as effective.  It’s science I think.  However, today I decided to instead take a nap and relax.  And when I woke up, I was a rubber band ball of tension.  Yuck.

3.  I had nothing to say.  And this point stands true, even today.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. May 14, 2011 10:26 pm

    For someone who has nothing to say, you said it very well. I am praying for you (no, really. i’m not just saying that in the generic way. I really am PRAYING for YOU.)

    hey. make blogging fun. blogging when you have nothing to say just makes it a dreary mundane task. Do we really need another one of those? I’m thinken …. no. You are such an amazing writer. Write when your insides DEMAND that you write. When you do that … wow do you ever shine!

    • May 16, 2011 8:16 am

      it didn’t feel dreary or mundane to write. maybe i’m doing it wrong.

  2. Autumn Locke permalink
    May 15, 2011 2:13 am

    Love you. And I just have to tell you that the advertisement on your blog right now as I’m reading it is for extreme depression and anxiety…hahaha but for are awesome and I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability SO much.

    • May 16, 2011 8:16 am

      girl, if i had an ounce of Autumn in me, I’d be a better woman.

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