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7 months.

March 27, 2011

Dear Judah.

Hello my little man.  Today I am writing to you  just following your 7 month birthaversary. And I’m actually having a really hard time getting this letter out today.  Every paragraph I write, I immediately delete.  I find, once it’s written, all I can seem to tell you about is how awful teething is.  Because it is.  And you won’t understand it until you have a baby of your own.  But seriously.  Teething.  OMG.

Thank God for nap time.  Mommy needs a drink.

You are such an amazing kid.  And you’ve grown so much.  You’ve lost your little puppy breath.  Now you smell like boy.  Cheerios and poop.  You crawl and blow snot bubbles and you say “mom”.  Not momma or mommy.  Just mom.  You’re super sophisticated like that.  Or lazy.  Either way I’m in love with it.  As I am with most everything you do.  Except for that growing teeth thing.  That I can live without.  Wow.  But I digress.

You love when I read to you.  Your dad says books are stupid.  And I’m not going to say he’s wrong, because I’m always the supportive loving wife.  But, wow is he wrong.  Books are the best.  I wish I had more time to read.  The only books I get to read these days are Goodnight Moon and I Love You Stinky Face.  I suppose it’s better than nothing.  I’ve already started thinking about what book series I will read to you when you get older.  When I was a kid, I remember my dad reading The Lion The Witch And The Wardrobe to me.  I decided when I was young that I would read the Little House On The Prairie series to my daughter(s) as they got older.  But I never really thought through what I would read to my boys.  How do you feel about John Grisham?

You are beginning to reach that age where you won’t sleep in my arms any more.  This has been harder for me than I imagined.  I love that you love your bed so much that you find it hard to sleep anywhere else.  But, I kind of thought, albeit unrealistically, you might let me rock you to sleep until you were in, I don’t know, high school?  But, having assumed this may be a difficult transition for me, I did take about 392 photos of you sleeping in my arms.  I’ll turn it into an album and lament tearfully over it daily.  No worries.  The catch 22 is that this morning you slept until nearly 10 am in that bed you seem to love so much.  And so I’ll gladly take my sad photo album and sleep soundly with it under my pillow until nearly lunch time.  ZZZZzzzzzzz.

This week  I was writing a mental book.  I do that sometimes.  On my way home from work, sometimes I’ll start writing an internal novel.  I never write it down.  In fact, by the time I pull in front of the house, it’s generally forgotten.  But this week I began writing the history of me from the age of 16.  And I started to recall all of the places I thought I may have seen.  Or the people I thought I would love.  The jobs I thought I would have had.  And although I never saw or loved or experienced any of the thing I thought I might at 16, I’m not at all shocked at where I’ve arrived.  It feels like I should be, considering the incredible turns I’ve taken.  But I guess I say all that to say, life is what happens to you while your busy making other plans.  And I didn’t make that up.  A guy named John Lennon did.  He wrote it to his son in a song.  Because I think he wanted him to know not to build your dreams on dreams.  Life is gonna happen how it will happen.  Dream big.  Don’t misunderstand me there.  Dream bigger than you think you should.  But never ever  let your dreams stop your life.  Keep looking thoughtfully at how today effects tomorrow.  Everything in life is a choice masked as fate.  You make decisions that change your dreams.  Just remain cognizant of it.  And if you don’t, if you miss a step, remember that it will work out.  That’s how I found you. And your dad.  I missed a step.  And I fell right into the dream I never bothered to dream.

Until next time my beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy.

I love your guts,

Your sassy momma.

 

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. Debbie Woods permalink
    March 27, 2011 2:48 pm

    Chris mom used to read Goose Bump books While he took a bath. No kidding Laura!

    I love you so much girl!
    Debbie

    • March 27, 2011 5:00 pm

      He has told me that before. He loved Goosebumps. I wasn’t allowed to read them. Which made me love them all the more! 🙂

  2. Sarah Jane Drury permalink
    March 27, 2011 4:38 pm

    Can I copy this and just change the names to give to Ella?! That’s exactly how I feel about my own life now, too…I’m in a dream I never bothered to dream. And I’m beginning to let myself love it. Thank you for writing this…Even if Judah doesn’t appreciate yet, I do!

    • March 27, 2011 5:01 pm

      You absolutely can give it to Ella! 🙂 I love writing Judah letters. I can’t wait for him to read them as an adult. I imagine a lot of eye rolling.

  3. March 28, 2011 7:16 am

    go write a book. for reals. you’re too good not to. i think i’ll get you an old school audio recorder (i know you can do that sh*t on your phone, but it would be way cooler to go old school), and you can walk around saying stuff like, “note to self: in chapter 4, make sure the main character eats lots of queso…” or, “note to self: go to the bathroom!”…random stuff like that would make me laugh! xo

    ps: baby j is so lucky to have such a kick ass mom.

  4. Anita permalink
    March 28, 2011 8:58 am

    I agree with Jen. You could sell so many books. It could consist of your letters to Judah and your every day events involving Judah and Sydney. Yes, even your days with Sydney before Judah, had me smiling and laughing as well. I wish I would have written letters to my kids when they were young. Judah might roll his eyes when he reads them, but deep down I know he will cherish each word.

  5. Nicole Sneed permalink
    April 4, 2011 8:53 am

    Gosh, I wish you would write a book. And I really want to steal your letters and give them to my son, because they sound so much like what I want to say to him. Obviously, we haven’t reached the milestones that you guys have, but you express exactly how I know I’m going to feel when we do get there. Abram still loves sleeping in my arms. And I know “they” say you shouldn’t hold your baby all the time so that they don’t want to sleep anywhere else, but it’s so hard to let him go sometimes. I want to snuggle him for hours, even though I may be hungry, tired, or need to potty. So I know it’s going to break my heart when he outgrows it. Man, how I don’t want him to outgrow it. I’m so torn between being excited about the things to come, like him sitting up on his own, crawling, feeding himself, walking, and saying “mom”…yet so sad that every day he changes from my sweet cuddle bug to the rambuntious boy I know he’s going to be. When I read your letters to Judah, I feel like I get a glimpse of what’s to come for me (well, us) and I get happy and teary at the same time. lol Oh, and I must tell you that I do the novel in my head thing as well. All the time when I’m in the car. I think of where I’ve been in my life, and how I think it would make a good book, and then a screenplay for a movie…particularly a comedy, because Lord knows my previous relationship was a joke. You know what I went through with being engaged for so long…and then breaking up a month before the wedding. Ohhhh, how funny that story could be. Anyway, back then I never ever ever could’ve imagined myself where I am now. I never planned on having kids! Yet here I am, in a wonderful relationship with a beautiful baby boy as evidence of our love. A baby boy who I never thought I even could have because I was told I might never get pregnant. You and I both took “missteps” (back around the same time, if I remember our Myspace conversations from about 5 or 6 years ago correctly) and now we are in better places than we would’ve been if we had stuck with our plans. 🙂

    P.S. Please write a book.

  6. Nicole Sneed permalink
    April 4, 2011 8:55 am

    *rambunctious

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