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5 months

January 19, 2011

Dear Judah,

Today I looked up and it was January 19th.  Which means that you are one day short of being 5 months old.  And it also means that I forgot to write your 4 month letter.  Which also means that I have finally let it slip to you just how chaotic my brain can be.  So today, I will have to catch you up on so much material to try and cover the gap of proper developmental journalism.

These last 60 days with you have been intense.  You are a little rolling ball of energy.  You have become so mobile it’s incredible!  I sometimes still forget and find myself shocked when I walk in the room and discover that you aren’t where I left you.  Now to be clear that usually just means you’ve scooted yourself 4 feet across the living room floor or in one instance, halfway off the edge of the couch (my bad).  I’m not convinced however, that you will ever crawl.  The moment I put you on your belly these days, you simply roll yourself back over.  You have never been a fan of belly time but my fear is that without some practice, you’ll end up being one of those crazy baby’s that just rolls around to transport themselves until they are in kindergarten.  I’ll take a video of you rolling into your first class and inevitably it will end up on YouTube and get a million hits and you’ll have rug burn in strange places and I’ll just watch you and sigh.  I’m generally very good at making predictions, but I wouldn’t mind if you proved me wrong on this one.

Dude, you are so loud.  It reminds me of the days when I was in grade school and kids would take cover when I would laugh out loud.  I had the most shrill, shrieking, screaming laugh.  It was nuts.  I’ll never forget when I realized that kids avoided making me laugh for fear of me causing long term hearing damage.  I have to imagine that it in some way resembled how Adam and Eve felt when they realized they were naked whilst in the Garden of Eden.  I was so very ashamed.  I covered myself with fig leaves.  Okay but seriously, it did kind of scar me a little.  I didn’t laugh a whole lot through school because of it.  That and I had a slight incontinence issue.  Belly laughing was not good for me.  It still isn’t, but your dad has become much more accustomed to it, so that now he doesn’t bury his head so far into the couch cushion when I get to giggling.  Also I stopped peeing my pants, so it worked out in the end.  I say all that because you love to laugh and talk over people.  And not just talk, but sort of yell or scream.  It’s a happy scream.  But it certainly is loud.  And I love it.  It does my heart good to know I’ve passed on something to you other than my ghastly long toes.  If as you grow up your loudness does feel a little too distinctive, just wait.  Eventually people will say things like “Were you at the movies last night? I swear I heard your laugh in the crowd”.  And you’ll smile because this crazy thing you don’t so much love about yourself, in the end, is something that makes you unique and special and distinguishable from the crowd.  Just use that loud voice for good buddy.  And take care of the strong lungs behind it.

You are crazy good looking.  I can’t say much more than that.  This week a guy at the mall walked across the store towards us saying “Look at those bright blue eyes!  I could see them from outside the store!”.  And I very embarrassingly asked him to specify which of us he was referring to.  Ha.  I’m such a cut up.  And no one gets me.  Irregardless, you are pretty adorable.  All the ladies from church swoon when I carry you in the door because you never stop smiling.  Ever.  And those puffy cheeks.  They beckon to me.  The eyes paired with the smile paired with the cheeks.  I die.  A thousand times a day.  I die.

You are a failure at solid foods.  I’m sorry.  You have eating issues like your father.  You are at this strange age where you would prefer we not put a bottle in your mouth most of the time.  But the idea of us putting anything more solid than formula near your lips makes you gag and throw up.  Your dad is the same way with sour cream or cool whip.  You’d think I was putting cow mung on his plate.  I think rice cereal must have the same effect on you.  We’ve had a little more luck with oatmeal cereal, but not much.  You’d much rather spit it all over me or throw up everything in your digestive tract.  Oh well.  In the mean time, we’ll just continue wrestling bottles down and hope it’s not doing any long term damage to your psyche.

Well, as if this letter weren’t totally long enough, I just need one more second of your time to tell you how much you are loved and wanted.  I’ve done myself a great injustice this week and watched a marathon of really horrible reality tv shows about people who suffer from incredible drug addictions.  I just keep thinking about what the parents of those people must be feeling while they watch their kids suffer and I want to do everything I can to protect you from a life that is painful.  I know that’s impossible.  You will suffer in this life kiddo.  In big and little ways.  And I could move you to a small town and pull you out of school and keep you secluded from it.  But inevitably it will still find you.  Because suffering is part of why we are here on earth.  It’s part of our calling to Christ.  To suffer as He did.  But if right now you find yourself in a place of great suffering, and you feel totally alone in it, please read this and know that you are totally covered in love by your father and I.  And the places in you that we’ve failed to love properly, those places are covered by an even greater love.  I pray you know that love well and that you find a great peace in it.

And until next month my little rolling, screaming, cheeky monkey!  I love you so much.

-Your sassy momma.


2 Comments leave one →
  1. Jeff your Uncle permalink
    January 20, 2011 8:17 am

    Wow that was beautiful. If every mom around the world showed the Love you have for Judah half the problems of the world would be solved.

  2. jamie permalink
    January 31, 2011 1:27 am

    I love your laugh, and I miss it…just sayin’ 🙂

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