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2 months.

October 19, 2010

Dear Judah,

Two months little man.  Two months you’ve been breathing oxygen with your lungs and stealing my heart with your eyes.  And what an eventful two months it has been.   I know you won’t remember a second of it, but I’ll never forget one.  I’ve filled up my camera a hundred times over with pictures of you smiling and drooling and eating and crying and sneezing.  I post them on Facebook and Twitter daily, much to the annoyance, I’m sure, of everyone who has bothered to friend or follow me (I love how by the time you read this, NONE of that will make sense…try to reference Google if it still exists….if it doesn’t, God help us all).

Last week, in order to celebrate our anniversary appropriately (without a squirmy baby at the dinner table), your dad made me get an overnight babysitter so we could go out and be normal people again for an evening.  It’s amazing how in such a short amount of time you have totally changed the face of who we are as humans.  For example, we have been attempting to go grocery shopping for well over a week now.  There is just no easy way to accomplish this effectively now that you live with us.  In part because your car seat takes up 99% of the shopping cart, leaving little room for more than a day’s worth of groceries. And also because who wants to go shopping when they can stay in their pajamas and stare at a brilliant and beautiful baby from the comforts of their living room?  I’d rather starve in most instances than leave you for more than one second longer than I have to.

That being said, I should tell you that I had to go back to work this month.  Doing this has easily been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.  I knew when I got pregnant that there was no conceivable way that we could manage for me to be a stay at home mom.  Despite my desire to be at home with you 29 hours a day, our current situation dictates that I must daily put on tall shoes and head out into the gritty world of office politics and potlucks.  It’s not ideal, but it’s a blessing.  One that God has provided for us so that we can pay the bills and still afford to let your dad stay home with you most days.  It’s unconventional for sure, but you so far seem to still be functioning as a normal infant, so I try not to beat myself up about it too much.  Although, I have let the convictions of other moms in more conventional situations get the best of me from time to time, your dad is an amazing encourager and never lets a day go by without reminding me that not only are you happy and healthy, but that it in large part has to do with the fact that I am actually a good mom.  So…if today as you read this, you are harboring some deep rooted resentment at me for not being around for you when you got home from school all those years, please know that I would rather be with you in our home more than any other place on the face of the planet.   And I would sacrifice anything to ensure you always find joy in this life, despite our non conventional situation.  So I didn’t write it, but please remember this always….


i carry your heart with me
i carry it in my heart
i am never without it
anywhere i go you go, my dear;
and whatever is done by only me
is your doing, my darling….

-e. e. cummings

On a less serious note, your diapers are generally very disgusting.  There are times when I’m nervous to lay you on the couch or to pick you up with bare hands.  You just never know what colorful goop is going to be seeping out of your clothing at any given moment.  I have a feeling that this is representative of your future love of fart jokes and immature behavior.  Which to be honest, I couldn’t be more thrilled about.  I’ve dreamt for years that I could live with someone who understood my sense of humor.  Your father has NEVER appreciated my ability to burp on command with great zeal.  In fact, he finds it offensive at times.  Mostly when we are in public places, like church for example.  I say, God created these escape hatches for digestive gasses, you might as well embrace the beautify of His genius.  Please remind me of this when you are older and I scold you for the very thing I enjoy so much.  You deserve the same freedoms as me (mostly).

I have very little to add from here.  I am sure that by the next time I write, you will have accomplished some small feat of wonder that your dad and I brag about for weeks on end, despite its mundane, every day, run of the mill, infant-like behavior.  We just still can’t believe you are real.  It’s hard to believe how much you’ve grown and developed just over the last 8 weeks.  And to think about the man I am writing to now, almost puts a crack in my brain.  Do me a favor and take your time getting there.

I hope as you read this you are doing well.  Saved by grace and deeply rooted in the love of your family and Creator.  I also hope you still like fart jokes.

So much love that there aren’t sufficient words,
Your Sassy Momma

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. Cindy permalink
    October 19, 2010 10:53 pm

    you’re my favorite

  2. Debbie Woods permalink
    October 20, 2010 2:34 am

    So loved by your family and Creator.

    LOVE Grandma Thanks for spending the night with me!

  3. Jeff your Uncle permalink
    October 26, 2010 7:37 am

    Man he looks great! Boy I love him. Tel him to save some lovin for his great uncle.

    When I was there last I prayed to God that the Lord be close to him and tha the Lord watch over him. I know he is loved by God as I know you and Christopher are loved by God.

    Thank you for sharing so much… God bless you…

  4. Nicole Sneed permalink
    October 29, 2010 3:26 pm

    Beautiful letter again! And good use of a great poem…it’s one of my favs! 🙂

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