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hot wings and long walks.

August 8, 2010

Last week when the temperatures refused to drop below 120º I was in full force psycho mode.  The weather man may use terms like “heat index” to show you, the every day Joe, how you may interpret the incredible heat when paired with our incredible humidity. But what they don’t estimate is the temperature at which a full term pregnant woman feels 100º plus weather.  And I’m here to tell you that you don’t feel it.  You become it.  You transform into a fire breathing radiator of anger and UV rays.  It’s truly a scientific marvel.  And it’s suddenly everyone’s favorite topic of life when they see a large pregnant woman and suddenly realize that while they may feel as if they are suffering through a true midwest heat wave, they themselves do not have a child trapped inside of them ALSO creating and radiating heat.  And they may say “oh man…that looks awful” or “HOW MUCH LONGER DO YOU HAVE?”, but they always do it with this smirk that actually says “You deserve this”.  And maybe I do.  But for the love of everything holy, I wish my water would break right now just so I could splash it in your eye.  And that’s just me being honest.

That all being said, my husband has been pretty awesome this past week or so in helping me try to evict our little space heater.  We’ve been taking nightly walks and he’s been encouraging me to eat every spicy thing that I may be able to stomach (as well as a barrage of other suggestions we received concerning how to encourage a baby to be born that I won’t discuss here because this is a family blog and said things should be kept secret between a man and wife, but you can assume as much or as little as you want on that one).  However, we are still 13 days out from our due date and this dude isn’t budging.  In fact, my doctor even decided that at some point they had overestimated my progression and he moved me back a centimeter.  Least encouraging doctors appointment ever.  And I’ve even had a doctor tell me I had a toothy hairy tumor. That wasn’t encouraging.  This was less so.

So no news is good news I suppose.  I’m fatter and hotter than normal.  And by normal I mean I’m fatter and hotter than you who is reading this more than likely.  And I’m doing my best to remain calm and collected even when strangers ask me about my “twins”.  Also in a fit of hormones and sweaty pits, I chopped off all my hair.  The End.

That last part isn’t a joke.  The hair is significantly shorter and I have sweaty arm pits.  Deal with it.

8 Comments leave one →
  1. August 8, 2010 9:10 pm

    just kidding about the one star. 😉 don’t hit me.

    • August 8, 2010 10:07 pm

      last week you sat in my living room and called me fat. today you gave me one star. worst father in law ever. seriously.

      • August 10, 2010 2:07 pm

        but i didn’t mean it. 😦 however I do mean this … I sincerely hope I am the worst father-in-law you EVER have. Because I want to be the only father-in-law you ever have. And I will come over with buckets of ice if it will help ….

  2. August 8, 2010 9:11 pm

    … or splash me. (love you, Bella!)

  3. mary fitzhugh permalink
    August 8, 2010 9:34 pm

    A friend of mine highly recommends castor oil…she’s taken it twice and twice within 24 hours had her babies.

    • August 8, 2010 10:09 pm

      I’ve heard about that one. I may save that one as a last resort 🙂 It doesn’t even sound pleasant.

  4. Denise permalink
    August 9, 2010 11:38 pm

    You are so funny even when your are a heat-radiating fireball.

    I, too, was fifty-bajillion weeks pregnant in August 2002. I blogged about it especially for Kelli when she was pg. That summer was not nearly as hot as this one has been. You have my sincere sympathy. The only temporary relief I could find was in fresh fruit lemonade slushes from Dairy Queen and nudity. Lots of both. Good luck!

    Hope your little guy makes his appearance soon.

  5. August 13, 2010 10:16 am

    Hey Soul Sister! Good luck with the eviction…and the sweaty pits…(but mine didne go away when the baby came out…I think it must have something to do with the 100+ degree weather though…maybe by Decemeber!) Can’t wait to see your hair too! I bet its ador!

    Ummm, your maternity shots are amazing! Seriously, amazeballs! Love them and you look beautiful. You can just send me those in high res I’ll get my Laura posters printed up…thanks!

    And PS: Unfortunately, Jack doesn’t call Lila BHP, but he only calls her “Myyyyy baby sister!” so I think she’ll never learn her name, but thta’s still better than BHP (just not as funny)

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