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March 15, 2010

As emails and phone calls and text messages and twitters started rolling in after this latest blog, I felt it necessary to clear up just one major point.  With all things remaining true about what I said I do want to explain that I love the women of our church.  With all my heart.  I did confront this in the comments section of the last blog, but in case many of you didn’t read on that far I do want to repeat a few things I wrote there.

I was at no point ever directly offended by one person who said anything directly to me about their own convictions. Because that’s what they are.  Their OWN convictions, not my own.  Some women really enjoy staying at home, and not only that, believe that their calling in life is to be a stay at home mom. I personally stand behind them 100%. I would never ever argue someone else’s convictions. Ever. Unless it hindered my own in some way, which in this instance, is not the case

The point of me expressing some of what I dealt with and the struggles associated with seeing the convictions of these other women, was basically that I let it dictate how I FELT ABOUT IT. I had no reason to believe that their convictions should dictate my own feelings towards being a mother, but I did. Obviously Chris and I have been brought to the place we have been brought to for a reason. And the only person I was trying to convince was myself.  No one else.   

Again I will say, I love the women at my church.  All of them. I think they are all amazing mothers. And they leave big shoes to fill. I let my own self criticism tell me that I couldn’t live up to it or that they would be judging me. And the point of this blog wasn’t to express anger to them, but instead to show how easy it is to create struggle where there is none simply out of a tendency to watch others and find self criticism.

That all being said, and all things still being true, I think it’s important on both sides (the SAHM vs. the working mom) to let go of the defensiveness.  That’s where this has brought us.  The SAHM feels it necessary to defend themselves as having the hardest job on earth (which they do).  The working mom, just wants to know that their family has a chance at being functional even when they are carrying the position of the hardest job on earth, as well as bread winner. 

It is not typical to find me lamenting over other women.  I just have never seen its worth.  But as a mother, that all changes.  Now it’s not just about me and my situation. You’re talking about the well being of my family.  And coming from someone who has seen some dysfunction, I refuse to believe I have to repeat history. 

I just won’t. 

So to wrap it all up in a really tattered bow….I still stand strong in what I wrote below.  I don’t think any of it deserves apologies. This update is to clear up any misgivings someone reading this who doesn’t know me well enough to know how I feel about my church body, might see it.  The last thing I want to do is create a larger need for defensiveness.

 I’m all about peace.  And love.  And Taco Bell.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Patti permalink
    March 15, 2010 10:05 pm

    I was a stay at home mom and I loved it, looking back I don’t think I realized how blessed I was at the time to be able to stay at home. It was not easy, but it was a choice that Steve and I made. I also remember allowing working mom’s to make me feel like I was less of a person because I wasn’t out in the “real world”. Now I realize the “real world” is wherever you are at the time. Wherever God puts you or you allow God to put you. You will be a great mom no matter where God puts you because you love him, you love your husband, your child and your friends. Good for you that you realized you can only give others opinions as much attention as you want to, the power is yours and Gods. I can’t wait to see both you and Chris as parents, you’ll make it work because you will ask for Gods guidance through all of it. Just my thoughts, you can take them or leave them, just know I wrote them in love. But you know what they say about opinions 😉
    Love, Patti

  2. March 16, 2010 7:54 am

    Amen to Taco Bell…oh wait, that’s wasn’t the point of this post was it?

    I love your honesty, and I’m the last person to give you advice or my opinions, I’m just happy to be your friend and be with you as you go through these experiences.

    You are right in the fact that your blogging will not solve the problem, and probably not change opinions, but I appreciate you sharing.


    • March 16, 2010 10:15 pm

      Girl you have no idea how much of an inspiration you are. Watching you get up so early every morning and still have the energy to come home every day after work and be an AMAZING mom. I love being friends with you so you can teach me everything you know 🙂

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