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when in doubt, say nothing.

December 11, 2009

I have been silent these past two weeks or so.  No particular reason other than every post I start to write sounds something like … hey remember that time I hid all the controllers to Chris’s video games and he gave me a 3o minute lecture in the car about HOW CAN ONE PERSON BE SO CRAZY!!?  I just couldn’t seem to find the words to make anything make sense, so I followed I what I honestly believe to be the golden rule….when you have nothing but idiotic things to say….either blog it or say nothing.  I went the say nothing route.  And I have to say, it’s been real lonely.  I think I may stick with the blogging route from this point on.
So here’s a list to add to the idiocracy.

1.  I haven’t yet purchased one single Christmas present.  I remember the days when I would be done shopping by November and I would buy presents for every living person that bothered to learn my first name.  I think those were the same days I worked in retail….I’d take any excuse to buy the pretty things I was surrounded by all day.  Now I’m surrounded by Chris and a dog with IBS.  First one to comment gets them both in their stocking this year.  MERRY HANUKA!

2.  My husband just emphatically yelled the words ‘Can I put a digital sight on the laser sword?’.  If it weren’t for the video games, I sometimes wonder what his every day vernacular would sound like.

3.  Chris finally let me get a Christmas tree!  Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition!  I can hardly believe it myself.  I spent 4 days with my nose stuck in it just soaking up the smell of sap.  However, with great conviction he did force me wait over 24 hours to hang a single light or ornament.  Which he had NO explanation for other than his crazy and world renowned “we’re doing this thing for no reason other than I feel like it” father did so when he was a kid.  I googled, took polls and even asked his family…WHYYYYY cannot I not decorate my tree for 48 hours after I bring it in the house?  No one had a clue. Google didn’t have one reason why.  Not one.  Google has a reason for everything.  Google has a reason for why men have nipples and evil exists on this planet.  Google is all knowing.  And it doesn’t know why I had to wait a full day before decorating my tree.  So while he was out with a friend, and without his permission, I did it anyways.  Sorry.  I’m sure he’ll bring it up in marriage counseling some day as the thing that put us on a path of marital destruction.  But Christmas was ready to come and it couldn’t wait for another 24 hours.

4.  We are not on a path of marital destruction.  Not even close.  In fact 3 minutes ago, without warning, he looked at me and said “Have I told you today how awesome you are?”.  To which I responded….”Nope, but I thank you kindly and reciprocate the same affection”.  We share kinship in our uniqueness.

5.  On Saturday, I thought this blog had made it big.  I had over 300 hits by lunch time, ON A WEEKEND!  I thought someone must have posted me up somewhere real famous.  It turns out it was just Chris at work looking for something I had written a long time ago.  I’m not sure if he found it.  I was in the middle of telling him all about how we were both gonna be able to quit our jobs and live off the royalties of this one silly blurb and we’d finally be able to finally afford cable and real hamburger…..when he broke the news that all those hits were him scouring through past posts.  All 300 or so of them.

I almost made him sleep on the couch.

Dream crusher.

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. December 12, 2009 12:31 am

    I never said that the tree had to be inside for 48 hours before you decorate it. I said you can’t bring the tree inside at all for 48 hours. That’s what my dad told me. Are you calling my dad a liar!!!!????

    The spider story is real. Beware. Christopher doesn’t remember it because he’s blocked it out. He was traumatized. Poor guy. He was just a kid….

    • December 12, 2009 8:13 pm

      winner winner chicken dinner!!! i’ll be delivering your christmas prize later this week. congrats sir!

  2. jamie permalink
    December 12, 2009 5:39 pm

    Hey girl! I haven’t started Christmas shopping yet either, so don’t feel so bad. Mike’s Christmas bonus comes in later this week, so I guess I’ll start then…

    btw – I read this last night, but I didn’t want to comment first because I definitely don’t need another animal – or husband – in the house 🙂

    Thanks for giggles!

  3. December 12, 2009 8:13 pm

    smart move Jamie 🙂 and you’re welcome!

  4. December 13, 2009 11:08 pm

    todd and i read the post together and died laughing multiple times. please… keep saying/writing words. 🙂

    • December 14, 2009 10:18 pm

      i wouldn’t dream of stopping now…now that i know it provides you with joy. it just wouldn’t be Christ-like 🙂

  5. Scott permalink
    December 14, 2009 12:44 pm

    I remember my dad not letting us bring in the tree for a couple days after we cut it. it would always sit in the garage. Now that I look back…I am not sure why.

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