holy cow there’s nothing going on in my life.

Well to be clear there are some things going on in my life, but in all honesty I cannot speak of them at this time.  Mostly they have to do with the CIA and the FDA and some PB&J.  Very technical and highly classified and extra crunchy on whole wheat.  Just trust me that you don’t want to hear about it.  

In all sincerity, I’ve been off of work for the past two days and I’ve accomplished absolutely nothing outside of acquiring a minor sunburn and hiding my dirty laundry to be less conspicuous to my own line of sight.  So in honor of my boring and seemingly unimportant week (as far as you know) here is a list of my things that could be thrown off a bridge during the month of July:

1) My new neighbors and their adorable yet beastly sounding dog:  I’m throwing the neighbors off the bridge because every day they leave their dog unattended and unkenneled thus causing it to suffer from serious separation anxiety and in an expression of that anxiety HOWL for the entirety of their absence.  I also don’t appreciate the party they are currently throwing, regardless of the fact that they asked us very politely to join them.  I’m pretty sure they may not have done that, had they known that I filed a formal complaint against them just this morning to our leasing office. Not necessarily neighborly, but honestly more courteous than blaring the same Miley Cyrus song through their vents for several hours, like I really wanted to do.  

2) Charter Communications:  …who once again sent me a bill for $95 stating that I should be paying for new services, most of which I had not requested nor received.  Upon calling their Indian customer service hotline, I explained once again my situation to someone named “David” (which he even somehow mispronounced….I mean honestly, if you are gonna give yourself a fake american sounding name make sure you can say it correctly), only to find out that my current amount due was a mere .85$.  Once I agreed to pay the balance due, the gentleman let me know that the balance had since jumped to $2.00.  I immediately logged on to the e-charter website to pay my bill only to find it had since upgraded to $2.95.  So from that I can only assume that Charter decides it’s pricing by some sort of auctioning process, like EBAY.  Somehow in my brain that makes much more sense than trying to wrap my mind around the idea that they honestly do have some logical process by which they create their monthly statements.  

3) Dog poop:  because it stinks in my house.

Um that may be it.  Must be a slow month so far.  I mean…it is only the fifth.  I suppose that only having 3 things to throw off a bridge in 5 whole days….not that bad.  I went two entire days without coming up with anything to throw off a bridge.  I was gonna write “my boss” because one day last week when I took a personal day, he ate some food off my desk that a coworker had left for me specifically.  After several rather passive aggressive notes describing to him my feelings towards his obvious breach of personal boundaries, he literally filled my office space full of chocolate goodies.  I can’t throw him off a bridge now.  That would be a wasted resource.