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bbq chicken pizza, and yoga pants.

April 27, 2009

I’m experiencing a rare, exciting and somewhat uneventful evening alone in my little and clean deprived apartment.  I should probably explain what I mean by exciting….so here is a step by step synopsis:

1) put on yoga pants 2) open laptop 3) pre heat oven 4) watch excessive amounts of online tv 5) eat more bbq chicken fundraiser pizza than my body can handle 6) rip out the seams of yoga pants simply by concentrating to0 strenuously on whether or not to answer the phone that happens to be aaaallllll the way over there 7) finally get up after the third person has called, just in case they are all trying to contact me about some national tragedy like for example “Pat Sajak has the swine flu”.  

After the insane schedule we carried last week, I’m seriously basking in the light of glory emitting from this amazing evening of absolute gluttony.   Even my husband, who worked late tonight, has been looking forward to coming home to a messy apartment and watching some Netflix just because he can.  We are officially so uber boring even I am bored to tears even just writing about it.  Sometimes I think about how all of my friends in their 30’s and 40’s talk about how boring they are now as parents…and I wonder….is it possible that as I get older and the rigors of parenting begin to break me down….will I even bother to take the yoga pants off when I go to work?  

Perhaps I should look into being a yoga instructor.  Or lunch lady.

Speaking of our crazy schedule….this weekend was my best friend Tooki’s wedding.  There were some awkward moments, but overall it was beautiful.  I’m hoping that if you are familiar with me at all, you realize that when I say there were awkward moments, that those moments were birthed right out of the bowels of my mouth.  As ridiculously smart as I am sometimes, there are moments when common sense tends to evade me and I forget simple little things like the fact that most commonly the maid of honor gives a speech regarding her unending love and affection for the bride and groom.  She also generally winds it up with some cute little quip like “to love, laughter and happily ever after” causing everyone to abandon their forks and knifes and erupt in wild applause.  I’m a much bigger fan of the Bella method.  It goes a little something like this….

“….testing….uh…this thing isn’t working….uuuhhUHHHHH…OH THERE IT IS….  Sorry.  Okay….well…anyways.  Um so I’ll keep this short and sweet.  Mostly because I know no one in here cares about this…and also because I totally forgot to prepare anything for it.  So Took…I mean Jenni….sorry again…..uh…well you have been a great friend and you have really encouraged me through some hard times and ….ya know…made me laugh to the point of nearly peeing my pants through some good times.  (pause for lack of laughter).  Right….and well….(microphone dies)…..hmm….well maybe that’s my que (a few mercy giggles).  Well I guess I said all that to say this……..I’m really glad that someone is now contractually obligated to keep track of you at all times…I’ll sleep better at night.  Mazel Tov”. 

Was that painful for anyone else to read?  Cause it was pretty painful to hear myself say.  Needless to say the champagne glass didn’t get sipped after that.  It was literally thrown down my gullet.  

Because of that and several other reasons, my husband has literally forbade me from ever being a maid of honor again.  Which I whole heartedly agree to since now that I’m married I’m no longer actually a maid so much as a “Matron” which, as the bride lovingly pointed out, makes me sound like a crazy wedding smashing robot.  As much as I love that concept…I think I’ll just enjoy the ease of simply attending weddings rather than ruining them, from now on.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. April 27, 2009 9:44 pm

    I just re-watched the dvd that Nate’s grandpa gave us and there were laughs during your toast. I didn’t hear them at the time either, but they existed. I think your reign as maid of honor ended on a great note. You were the best.

  2. April 28, 2009 1:49 pm

    This is the kind of blog post legends are made of…thanks for the laugh.

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