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I caught a crazy bug and I’m keeping it as a pet.

March 3, 2009

Last night I caught a case of the crazies, emerging from my bedroom at 7:30, adorned in a fresh pair of Christophers sweat pants, I began maniacally cleaning.  I was no joke about it either.  I went as far as to scrub out the inside of the vacuum cleaner.  That being said, I have to make mention of the fact that our apartment is tormented with an inordinate amount of dust each day. I’m half temped to call the leasing office out of sheer concern that someone is pumping cremated bodies through our ducts.  The filter in my 4 month old vacuum was literally compacted down with mounds and mounds of dust.  Once all was said and done…I had nearly filled an empty kitchen trash can with what I can only assume is common house dust.  I only mention this problem, not because I find the action of vacuuming and dusting too tedious to keep up with the dust blizzard, but because I can only imagine what this must be doing to our internal organs as each breath must be causing us to ingest several pounds of this toxic powder.  And unfortunately, God did not equip either of us with a Hepa filter.  

In protest to these horrible living conditions, I have locked myself in the bathroom.  My plan is to stay in here until my laptop battery dies or Christopher goes to sleep.  At the moment I’m avoiding the unavoidable chore of doing the dishes night after night.  I feel it’s my duty as a wife to sometimes play the “WHAT DO YOU DO WHILE I’M CONSTANTLY CLEANING OUT VACUUM FILTERS AND PICKING UP YOUR CAPRI SUN PACKETS???” card.  If I didn’t….how would he know that I’m an every day kind of woman? Otherwise he just sees me without makeup, burping and cursing about him waiting so long to get his oil changed.  It’s confusing for a husband when the women don’t play the right roles.  

Speaking of the dynamics in our new marriage.  Here’s a glimpse into a recent and not completely uncommon conversation.  Allow me to set the scene.  Sydney had just released her bowels on the carpet, I had just cleaned it up and was attempting to flush the aftermath in the toilet while my new husband stands nearby washing his hands. 

Me: Oh crap…the toilet is overflowing…crap crap crap….it’s gonna be EVERYWHERE!!!

Him:  Do something!!!  

Me: A wha???  ME???  Pick up the plunger and fix this!

Him: Can’t you see I’m busy??? I just worked up a nice lather.

Me: Can you please just stand up and be a man for like 3 SECONDS???

Him: OH… well I guess….(at this point he begins commenting on all of my ex boyfriends…as if that somehow validates how he’s forcing me to PLUNGE A TOILET!!!)

Me: (talking over him) Oh…well….on that note…I’ll just leave you to your mounds of CRAP!!!!

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

The great part about being newly married is that these sorts of conversations are just avenues in which we learn to build boundaries and constructive ways in which to communicate.  However, I will say that it’s generally better to save these moments for when you are alone in your home dwelling.  To do it in front of others is just awkward, jarring and difficult to explain.  We’ve learned that the hard way.  Although for us, I think it kind of brings us closer together.  You don’t bring things to the table like questioning someone’s manhood without some serious love to back it up.  You can quote me on that.

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. March 4, 2009 8:42 am

    “You don’t bring things to the table like questioning someone’s manhood without some serious love to back it up. You can quote me on that.”

    That’s awesome.

  2. March 4, 2009 9:39 am

    Too true! One thing about marriage — you learn about being civil, always in public and almost always in private. And there is always lots of “crap” to deal with!

    Best to both of you.

    Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
    author of Save The Marriage

  3. March 4, 2009 6:31 pm

    I’m going to dump Martin Luther on my blog site and just start quoting you. Unless you charge. ‘Cause Martin is free.

    Do you always get doctors commenting on your blog? I just get … custodians and accountants. But mainly I comment on my own and leave other names. Sad, really.

    • Bella permalink*
      March 4, 2009 6:41 pm

      honestly…when I saw that comment I assumed it was you under a different name. I went as far as to follow the link to his website. Not worth it.

  4. March 4, 2009 9:00 pm

    Huh? Why would you “assume” it’s me?! What the ….

  5. Amanda permalink
    March 7, 2009 2:18 pm

    So I just told Scott that he and Chris are definitely brothers. You have to pick up Capri Sun packets that he leaves around (among other things I assume) and I have to pick up anything that Scott gets out related to the kitchen. Ha ha!

    • Bella permalink*
      March 7, 2009 2:44 pm

      I think it must just be a man thing. It’s completely unavoidable 🙂

  6. March 19, 2009 12:01 pm

    Interesting Read! Very detailed blog.
    Thanks for sharing

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