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Benefits of Blindom

February 21, 2009

Childhood diseases can sometimes be extremely devastating.  In my case, however, they are merely inconvenient.  From birth, as the rest of my body developed and progressed, my right eye did not follow suit.  As it stands, I am legally blind on the entire right side of my face.  I know it sounds horribly frightening but there are some serious benefits to owning a disease such as partial blindness.  They are as follows….

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1. It acts as a perfect excuse for irresponsible driving.  It’s like Fast and the Furious…only without the peripheral vision.

2. Hilarious stories of failed DMV, school/work physical and optometrist sight tests.  I’ve actually been asked if I was kidding when asked to read the first line of the chart.  My best response was “Well…most commonly the first letter is E….so let’s say E”.  

3.  No one ever asks me to be on their softball team…and if they did I could quickly respond by mentioning my complete lack of depth perception therefore prohibiting me from catching anything but the bird flu.

As for the lame aspects of being partially sight impaired…

1. I tend to be a bad driver (don’t tell Gieco…their saving me 15%)

2. I tend to knock over glasses of soda at dinner on people who are sitting across from me.  Even worse than this…knocking over your first beer at happy hour and having an entire bar of  people see you as the biggest lightweight on the face of the planet.

3. If I were to wear glasses to assist in my eyesight….it makes my face seem quit lopsided.  One side…coke bottle….the other side….straight glass.  My grade school years were hard.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. mcgilla permalink
    February 21, 2009 3:57 pm

    get one contact and quit your belly aching

  2. Bella permalink*
    February 21, 2009 4:00 pm

    the last time i tried that the prescription was too heavy and the contact kept falling out.

    i’m gonna ache your belly!

  3. swoodsy permalink
    February 21, 2009 5:42 pm

    yeah…at least you don’t have SARS.

  4. April 23, 2009 11:21 pm

    Sooo….the partially blind girl married the partially deaf guy….oh, this ought to be fun. Keep writing, I’m hooked. 😉

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